19. You can't sit with us

Let’s be honest, Mean Girls is a classic.

Not only does it teach us that on Wednesdays we wear pink, but as we see with anyone who spends any sort of time with Regina George, it also shows the impact that the people we surround ourselves with can have on our behaviour, outlook and general wellbeing. How 'fetch'.

I’m sure we’ve all heard some iteration of the idea that we are the average of the five people we spend most of our time with. Which, if we were to do a quick audit on our lives, could be either very exciting or utterly terrifying.

Now, I don’t know how scientifically robust said idea is (but hey, when did that ever deter us!?), but whether it’s five people, ten people or just the one, I reckon that it carries at least some degree of truth.

As we know, humans are adaptable creatures, Darwin told us that. Opposable thumbs and the ability to walk on two feet yes, but even on a more day-to-day basis, we adapt to our environment more seamlessly than we possibly think. I mean, we only need to be in an office for about 3 minutes before we’re “pencilling it in”, “taking it offline” and sending our kindest regards.

And the impact of our environment and the people we spend our time with is something we’ve probably witnessed more times than we’ve started an email with “hope you’re well”.

Growing up, our parents and teachers loved warning us about ‘bad influences’, and we’ll have all seen people change their mannerisms, terminology, or even accent depending on who they spend their time with. We all do it. Or “guiltyyy”, as one of my top 5 friends would say.

I don’t think this is just limited to who we physically surround ourselves with but also the content that we consume. I know I’m particularly fickle in that regard, and get hugely influenced by whatever I’m reading, watching or listening to at the time.

I recently ran a marathon (yep, still going on about it!), and it was hearing about the exploits of the Ross Edgleys, David Goggins and Courtney Dauwalters of the world that basically motivated me to do it. Prior to then, I was adamant that any form of cardio was a gainz killer, and scoffed at the idea of long distance running.

Though it wasn't potential lost gainz that made me want to write a blog about the importance of the content we consume and the people we surround ourselves with. No, it was something that hit me square in the face a couple of months ago after two social events that couldn’t have been in greater contrast to one another. Largely down to the people involved.

Without airing my dirty laundry too much in public (though obvs, if you do wanna know, happy to give you the goss!), both events were similar in that they involved me not knowing many people there. Though they were dissimilar in that one was very good, and the other one wasn’t.

For the sake of full anonymity, let’s call the not very good one “event 1”.

We’ll skip the sob story detail, but to put it mildly, it wasn’t the most welcoming of environments. It was all a bit cliquey, a bit awkward, and catty as anything. Think 30 year old blokes meet Mean Girls. To quote Gretchen Wieners, “you can’t sit with us”.

At the end of a weekend of this, the fully rational and non-emotional mind may think something along the lines of “ah well, shit happens, upwards and onwards”.

Though we’re not always the most rational of creatures, are we!? I appreciate this may sound ridiculous when put into perspective, but I felt really low for a couple of days after. The mix of 3 days of basically feeling ostracised and being on a hangy comedown meant that my self-esteem was in the gutter (even more than usual!)

As someone who has this, rather annoying at times, need to belong (slash get a load of attention), then despite my rational mind knowing that there are infinitely worse things that could happen in life, I found this weirdly hostile weekend a sore one to deal with.

Once my fragile sense of self had made somewhat of a recovery, it funnily enough coincided with event 2. Event 2 was class.

And because there are no sensitivities around this one, we can name drop it. IFS 2021 in Battersea Park, London.

Now, I appreciate that for anyone who hasn’t heard of the “International Fitness Summit”, it may potentially sound bloody awful. What’s essentially a conference full of incredibly fit people discussing the latest goings-on in the industry might sound like a hotbed for pretentious bellends.

Though, from my experience, that couldn't have been further from the truth. Everyone was down to earth, up for a laugh and generally sound AF. The talks were super engaging, and covered a whole host of health related topics ranging from the physical to the mental. It was an absolute vibe (let's pretend I'm cool enough to say that) and at the risk of sounding like I joined a cult for the weekend, I was buzzing after. Faith in humanity restored.

The contrast between the two events, and the impact they had on how I felt in the days afterwards, was staggering. And even though I'm sure it's something we inherently know, really got me thinking about the importance of who we surround ourselves with.

Of course, there's the slight impracticality that a life of constantly being surrounded by good people isn't really realistic. And actually, there's arguably some benefit in the company of the rude/jealous/hater type. Even though I’d imagine it would be preferable to be in the minority of cases, exposure to this sort of environment can possibly help build a thicker skin, a wider sense of robustness and the ability to give less of a fuck what people think (which, if you’re as emotionally fragile as me, is possibly a good thing).

However, for the most past, that sort of atmosphere doesn't tend to leave us feeling particularly good about ourselves.

And as we (hopefully) get further down the post-Covid route back to normality, this served as a timely reminder that for our overall sense of wellbeing, it’s probably not optimal to regularly surround ourselves with the Gretchens, Reginas and Karens of the world.