29. Vodka & Values

When it comes to making a decision, I’m what’s known as an indecisive shitebag.

Making a decision about anything can often be a serious procedure.

I imagine this is a fairly common thing amongst overthinkers. As most decisions in life come with some sort of giving-up of one thing for another, it can be very easy to over-deliberate on what we’ve sacrificed. There always tends to be some sort of trade-off. For example:

• Do we a) go on that night out and have a good laugh or b) save our money, and save ourselves from a massive hang?

• Do we a) be healthy and cost efficient by meal prepping for the week or b) save ourselves the time and hassle, and just buy our lunches out?

• Do we a) start that new side hustle we've been meaning to, and live with the fear of judgement and it not working out or b) save ourselves the anxiety, but live with the potential regret of having not given it a go?

Most decisions tend to have pros and cons, and we usually need to give up some sort of benefit whichever choice we make. As the American economist and author Thomas Sowell writes in the context of decision-making, “There are no perfect solutions, only trade-offs”.

As you may be aware, this giving up of a benefit is known as the ‘opportunity cost’. Basically what we sacrifice when we choose one thing over another. A financial cost yes, sometimes, but also things like time, effort, energy, stress, or a hangover.

I think this is something we’re probably all inherently aware of, but I’ve found that when it comes to choosing how to spend my time or generally making a decision, the older I get (and the more the finite nature of time becomes more apparent), the more this ‘opportunity cost’ seems to be at the forefront of my mind.

And when it comes to our overall wellbeing, I do think it’s an important thing to be conscious of.

Even though I didn’t actually know the name for it at the time, this opportunity cost concept is one that really hit home towards my late 20s. Especially from a work/career point of view. At the time, I seemed to be working with more and more people who were younger than me, but more senior than me.

This is, of course, a non-issue really (we’re all running our own race and all that) and largely, an inevitability. Though at the time, I remember it really jarring with my ego, and opened the 'feelings of underachievement and unfulfilled potential' floodgates.

Not a great floodgate to open.

I’ve written about this a couple of times on here, but this work situation was largely a result of my really sophisticated life philosophy at the time, which was basically ‘life’s short, just have fun’.

If indecisiveness was one of my fortes, a solid work ethic definitely wasn’t.

Naturally, there was the inevitable, and rather delayed, penny drop. Although fun in the short term, ranking nights out as the most important thing in life probably wasn’t conducive to many of the longer term ambitions I may have had (or thought I had).

Fun yes, but totally at the unintended detriment to other areas of my life that I valued (or once again, thought I did).

Hello aforementioned feelings of underachievement and unfulfilled potential.

I heard something recently that I really liked. On Chris Williamson’s podcast Modern Wisdom, journalist and author Douglas Murray said “In life, we must choose our regrets”.

We can often see regret as a negative thing (usually the result of some poor decision on our behalf), as opposed to an inevitable part of our existence.

But the finite nature of life, meaning we can only do so much with the short amount of time we have on this earth, means that some regrets are unavoidable. We can do and get good at some stuff, but we can’t do and get good at everything. We have to choose the things we don’t do, and therefore some degree of regret is essentially an inbuilt feature of any decision. We have to choose our regrets.

For example, we can’t be, say, the most empathetic person, and the most popular, and the best parent, and in the best shape, and highest up the career ladder, and the most sociable, and the most knowledgeable, and so forth. Something’s got to give. If we choose one thing, we sacrifice another.

Which, slight tangent, is why I think it’s important to not negatively compare one element of our lives against one element of another person’s life, without knowing the sacrifices and trade-offs that they’ve made.

A CEO’s status, influence, power and salary may be appealing, but consistently working 70+ hours a week and jumping on a call at 7am when on holiday in Sardinia may not.

Again, we have to choose our regrets, or the things we’re not as good at.

And, for a moment of introspection, by living by my ‘life’s short, just have fun’ philosophy in my 20s, I realise that I had unintentionally chosen to kinda neglect my career, and to be honest, neglect being a proper adult.

A fun, albeit not the most long-term focused, trade-off.

A readdressing of the balance, and associated regrets, was needed. So I was a good boy, went 180, tried to refocus priorities, and pretty much gave up alcohol for a while. Like a lot of the self-helpy type content I was consuming at the time recommended:

A well-intentioned message, of course. However, I realised that nights out are fun, and in a world that can be as challenging as our one at times, I don’t think the importance of having a good time should necessarily be understated.

I seriously missed that, and the laughs, release and escape from the stresses of day-to-day life it can provide. So another readdress (a re-re-address) of the play/productivity balance and relevant opportunity costs was needed. More generally, I find this balance, or sweet spot, between having fun and working hard an ongoing process to try and get right.

And when it comes to our overall wellbeing, I do believe that the opportunity cost of our decisions is an important thing to be conscious of. It can help us “choose our regrets” more favourably, make better decisions and generally use our time in a way that suits us more. Which we’d like to think would have a net positive effect.

I say this, but will probably go and overthink it for a little while longer…