46. The Darker Side of Productivity

I’ve mentioned this a few times on here (so don’t worry I won’t bore you again with the detail), but a few years ago, I went through a prolonged period of basically feeling lost, worthless and miserable (or rather, more so than usual!)

After a fairly painful stretch of soul searching, trying to find out why, and desperately looking for some sense of purpose and fulfilment in life, I came to the conclusion that I needed to commit to living a more ‘productive’ life.

Sleep was overrated, getting up at 5am was underrated. More exercise, more work, more reading, more trying new things, more of all that typical sort of stuff.

A lifestyle correction.

However, in retrospect, an overcorrection.

I realised that I was ‘getting stuff done’, but at the detriment to my overall enjoyment of life.

Hardly optimal either.

We all know the importance of delayed gratification. Though the issue is that if we keep on delaying it, then we don’t get any gratification at all.

I find that to be a real tension point in life; trying to find the sweet spot between the misery of prolonged boredom and the misery of prolonged excess.

I’m very easily tempted by both ends of the spectrum. Doing naff all, or doing too much.

It is understandable I suppose. Productivity is often a word that carries positive connotations. If we get out of bed saying “I’m feeling productive today” or go to bed reflecting that “today has been a productive day”, that tends to be a good thing.

Naturally, there are obvious benefits to being productive. And speaking from experience, I would argue almost none more so than the positive effect it can have on self-esteem and self-worth.

I think the following from Nat Eliason nails it:

"The ability to do hard things is perhaps the most useful ability you can foster in yourself or your children. And proof that you are someone who can do them is one of the most useful assets you can have on your life resume.

Our self-image is composed of historical evidence of our abilities. The more hard things you push yourself to do, the more competent you will see yourself to be.

If you can run marathons or throw double your body weight over your head, the sleep deprivation from a newborn is only a mild irritant. If you can excel at organic chemistry or econometrics, onboarding for a new finance job will be a breeze.

But if we avoid hard things, anything mildly challenging will seem insurmountable. We’ll cry into TikTok over an errant period at the end of a text message. We’ll see ourselves as incapable of learning new skills, taking on new careers, and escaping bad situations.

The proof you can do hard things is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself."

So, as I say, productivity can be good.

However.

However, like anything good, there can be a tipping point.

We all like chocolate cake, but we probably wouldn’t want to eat it every day.

Productivity is similar, and I think the slope of excess can be a slippery one.

Firstly, if we get into this whole productivity thing, it can suddenly become the only metric by which we evaluate whether or not a day has been a success.

Naturally, it’s a fairly solid metric, but there are a couple of problems if it’s the only metric.

Firstly, we can find that we only give ourselves permission to relax, breathe, and be content once we’ve completed everything that we set out to do. It’s the whole “I’ll be happy when…” thing.

As such, when we do some hefty task on our to-do list, there can be a sigh of bitter relief and then straight on to the next thing... rather than taking some sort of enjoyment out of the actual doing of it, and a deserved pat on the back when it’s done.

In short, we optimise for completing our to-do list, and not necessarily for enjoying doing so.

Though if ‘taking some sort of enjoyment out of life’ is the goal, then delaying gratification for the constant grind is quite literally counter-productive.

Secondly, also like anything good, it can become addictive. And like anything addictive, we require an ever intensifying dose to achieve the same effect.

For example, let’s say we’re feeling productive, and we innocently draw up a to-do list that goes something like:

• 10 mins meditation

• Spin class

• Work

• Meet pal for dinner

• Get our 10,000 steps in

• Read

• Journal

We achieve it, and we go to bed satisfied. All good stuff.

However, we’re human.

And as humans, not only are we occasionally shitebags, but we also tend to be good at adapting to things.

We may get, do, or achieve something that’s exciting (like a new car, a new salary, a new 5km PB etc), but we soon get very used to it. Once exciting, now normal.

And in this case, what once seemed like a ‘productive day’ can easily become a normal one.

Suddenly, we need increasingly ‘productive’ days to achieve the same sense of satisfaction.

10,000 steps becomes 15,000.

Spin class becomes spin class and a weight session.

A chapter of a book a night becomes two.

And so forth.

The benchmarks, and the expectations, get increasingly higher.

And if productivity is the only metric by which we evaluate our day, then as these benchmarks and expectations become higher, it becomes harder to have a good day.

Speaking from experience, suddenly the thing that was getting me out of a dark hole, was putting me back into one.

The darker side of productivity.

In the interest of not finishing on that rather depressing point, it's probably worth noting that one of the solutions is fairly obvious (albeit easier said than done if we’re wired a certain way). Diversify the metrics for judging a day. Productivity is good, but so is having a laugh, chilling out, and not feeling like we need to optimise every second.

And on that, I should probably post this, then try my hardest not to frantically move onto the next thing...