57. Two Useful Points That I've Learnt From Writing This Thing

Someone I know recently started writing online, and asked if I had any words of advice.

I know, asking me for advice, not a great start. However, it did get me thinking. 

I started reflecting on some of the good, some of the bad, and some of the learns from putting something you've created out into the public.

And there are plenty of all the above.

Some of the bad? 

• When you can’t think of anything to write, and the irritability, self-criticism and general questioning of life that follows

• The anxiety that can come with putting something you’ve created out into the world to be judged, torn apart, and generally ridiculed 

• The battering the ego takes when no one reads the thing 

Some of the good?

• Like any creative thing, getting into that flow state (where you’re not worrying, regretting, fretting, and generally being a self-sabotaging scrote)

• It feels like a fairly good use of time and a worthwhile thing to do 

• I, for the large part, just really enjoy writing

Some of the learns?

• Well, lots. 

Though on that last question, there was one overarching point that stood out above the rest. 

One that I believe is applicable to all areas of life, and the one I mentioned to the aforementioned writer. 

And that's how we choose to define and measure success. 

The encouragement was to try and measure success in terms of their own personal enjoyment of the doing of the thing, as opposed to any external reaction (followers, likes, reads, replies etc.) that it may or may not get. 

Obviously, that’s easier said than done. Followers, likes, reads, replies etc. are nice, and our egos really like them. 

The inconvenient thing is that they come with quite a few downsides. 

Firstly, they’re fundamentally out of our control. And as we know, placing any sense of identity or self-worth on things that are out of our control is a pretty volatile thing to do. Something bombs, and our self-esteem follows. Probably not a great strategy. 

And something bombing on social media is something that I can speak about with a fair amount of experience :) 

External ‘engagement’ with this blog has pretty much seen a downwards trajectory (despite a few spikes) since launching it back in 2020. So, if I judged it’s ‘success’ on those metrics (followers, likes, reads, replies), it could be deemed a failure, and it may be tempting to pack it in. 

However, I like doing it. 

And as I try and use that as the main gauge of 'success', then enjoying doing it is all that really matters.

Of course, that may potentially be fairly sound advice if a post does ‘badly’. Though what if we ‘smash it’ from an engagement point of view?

Well, for example’s sake, let’s say our posts usually get around 10 likes. Then suddenly, one gets 200 likes. 

Intuitively, we may think something like “fucking yes, get it!” 

However, that turns out not to necessarily be the promised land we thought it was going to be either. 

Naturally, it feels pretty good. Though shortly after, it can simply become the new benchmark for success.

Even if the following post after the 200 liker got 50 likes (e.g. 5x the usual amount), that’s still only a quarter of the previous post, and we may be disappointed. 

This 200 like ‘smashed it’ post becomes the new (and likely, unachievably higher) bar to get over next time, and the amount we compare all subsequent posts to. It’s the new yardstick for ‘success’

What was previously a solid post, now becomes a poor one. So in some ways, this new record can become more of a curse than a blessing. 

If you’re into exercise (specifically an easily measurable one such as running, lifting or cycling etc.) you may be able to analogously resonate with this. 

We cycle that 100km, run that half marathon, or squat that 150kg, and we’re stoked.

However, that goal that we said would make us happy when we achieved it, soon becomes the new yardstick against which we evaluate every subsequent workout. 

The benchmark gets higher, and it becomes harder to have a good session. 

Suddenly, if we have too high a focus on these extrinsic things, a work out that we were previously proud of can become a source of frustration. 

You may have been there. It's pretty fucking annoying.

As it can be quite common for us to derive our identities, self-worth, and validation from our ‘successes’ or wins in life, I do think that being conscious of how we choose to define and measure ‘success’ is important.

Extrinsic metrics obviously feel good. They can keep our egos sweet, and keep us motivated/interested in working towards whatever thing it is. However, as they're out of our control, they’re also pretty volatile. As such, they're probably not the greatest of foundations on which to place too much sense of self-worth. 

On the flip side, if we enjoy doing the thing, then what else matters? 

And rather aptly, as no one will be reading this to respond to that question, I suppose I can answer it...

Well, nothing really.